Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema: Fido (2006)

After an overly-long holiday hiatus, it’s time once again to settle in for a soirée of sketchy goodness.  January in New England means grey skies and a general feeling of discontent – perfect zombie weather.  This week, my sketch-loving cohorts, I bring you Andrew Currie’s 2006 tale of a boy and his pet (zombie, that is), Fido.

K’Sun Ray stars in this nostalgic yarn as Timmy, the son of a death-obsessed father and a status-crazy mother, who is but a young boy trying to grow and survive in a post-war society. A society whose deceased have been turned into flesh-eating zombies thanks to a strange radiation from space.  This radiation still exists in many areas and poses a constant threat to society, as all those who die after the original contamination turn into the undead. In order to survive in a normal fashion, the towns have been fenced in with the help of a governing corporation.

Zomcom is an all-empowering corporation which has developed the technology to not only keep the zombie population at bay, but even to domesticate the animated corpses – by using a collar which eliminates their natural instinct to consume human flesh.   Zomcom is also the law, rounding up those who perform illegal funerals (“Head coffin, please”) and are in possession of unregistered zombies.

When the new head of security for Zomcom moves in next door, complete with family and six domesticated zombies, Timmy’s mother decides it’s time for their family to get a zombie as well – despite father Bill’s utter hatred for the undead.  Timmy forms a bond with his zombie, whom he’s lovingly named Fido, after much hesitation.  After all, he was raised to despise zombies as well – but Fido easily wins him over after a run-in with the local bullies.

Timmy’s picture-perfect life soon turns sour, as a device malfunction causes Fido to temporarily revert to his flesh-eating ways.  This doesn’t deter Timmy – oh, no – his bond with his undead friend is far too strong to let murder come in the way.  Covering his friend’s tracks, they try to move on with their…lives?

Fido is set in a strange, 1950′s-era alternate universe, giving it a strange, Shaun of the Dead meets Pleasantville feeling. Hilary ensues as Timmy’s mother, clearly not receiving the tender loving attention she craves from her emotionless husband, seems to form a romantic bond with Fido.  Who doesn’t want a little affection now and again, even if it’s from a corpse?

This sketchy bit of brilliance has been on my radar for some time now, and only now am I kicking myself for not partaking sooner.  I laughed, I cried (well, mainly from laughing), and I truly enjoyed this heartwarming story of love and zombies.  Oh, and did I mention that Fido is played by none other than Billy Connolly? Yeah. That’s right.

And now, kiddies, I leave you with this week’s Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema Quote of the Week:

Bill Robinson: “My father tried to eat me. I don’t remember trying to eat Timmy.”

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Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema: Fido (2006)

Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema: Paranormal Activity (2006)

This past weekend, my sketch-loving friends, I had searched high and low for a film sketchy enough to grace the SMSC column of Inside My Head.  Having spent the past several weeks under the spell of the B-movie genre, I decided to peek my head out of the window a bit and delve into something a bit more…current.

In my search for something a bit more frightening (since I’ve come to realize that I simply do not scare easily in my older years), I settled upon Oren Peli’s ‘found footage’, low-budget blockbuster Paranormal Activity.

Originally premiering at the Screamfest Film Festival in the U.S. on October 14, 2007, and soon shown thereafter at the Slamdance Film Festival on January 18, 2008, Paranormal Activity tells the tale of college student Katie and her live-in boyfriend, Micah, as they deal with a rather ill-spirited and increasingly dangerous demon which seems to haunt Katie wherever she goes.

I know. How cliché can a movie get?

PA surprisingly delivers all that other found-footage films seem to lack – substance. There are no tricky camera angles and heavily-implied terrifying moments (a la Blair Witch Project, which left much of the plot to the viewer’s overactive imagination rather than providing visually-spine-chilling scenes).  Instead, thanks to the couple’s desire to catch the demon on film (thus filming almost every waking moment of their lives), viewers are left just as (if not more so) terrified than the incredibly realistic characters.

For example, witnessing Micah’s borrowed Ouija board suddenly start to move then burst into flames just after the couple has left for the evening.  Scary shit.

I will say that, had I been Micah, I would have been gone ages ago – his girlfriend is clearly of the queen bitch variety, and she berates him at every turn.  Why he stuck around for demongirl, I’ll never know.  Love makes people do stupid shit.

Major kudos to Peli for bringing scary back.  With a mere $15,000 budget and a very sly marketing tactic leading up to it’s national release, this first-time director has successfully restored my hopes for any scary-movie genre.  Be sure to check out all three versions of the film, as each has a slightly different take on the same ending – all of which are horrifying and will leave you shocked and afraid to go to bed at night.

And now, my frightful friends, I leave you with this week’s Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema quote of the week.

Micah: [Trying to communicate with the entity while doing an EVP] “What is your quest? What is your favorite color?”

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Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema: Paranormal Activity (2006)

This week’s Sunday Morning (OK, Monday morning) Sketch Cinema’s gem is Primeval, the tale of a giant killer crocodile and a group of people attempting to capture it.

Primeval is loosely based on the true story of Gustave, a giant crocodile in Africa that is supposedly responsible for hundreds of deaths. This particular tale opens with a British woman who is investigating an uncovered mass grave and is killed by the croc, but the story ultimately revolves around a group of journalists who are sent to catch the beast, and is a primarily fictionalized account with only a few real facts thrown in now and again. In this story, a disgraced journalist named Tim (Dominic Purcell), his cameraman (Orlando Jones), and an animal reporter looking to make her mark with a “real” story (Brooke Langton). Along the way they pick up a team that includes an animal expert and a guide, and they set out to capture the gigantic crocodile.

Primeval actually isn’t what I’d consider a “bad” movie. It is well acted, shot on location, and the storyline itself isn’t too terrible. I would, however, say it is a “boring” movie. The film just starts out slow, and in its attempts to keep viewers on edge it never really hits the high-tension level one would expect from a horror movie. It does have its moments throughout (the scene when Orlando Jones is pursued by Gustave is well done, and Mr. Jones has some of the best lines in the movie), but overall just never really reaches a level of true fear.

Part of the problem, actually, is that the story is based upon a real monster. Gustave really did (and supposedly still does) live in Africa, and at least 300 deaths have been attributed to him. This is not a documentary, though, so they’re not really trying to follow the tale of the crocodile too closely, but they also don’t want to stray too far. However, to be respectful to the reality behind the subject matter, they also don’t deal a whole lot with the animal itself. It shows up, kills and eats and acts all scary, but they never have any big climactic blowout like in Jaws or any other giant killer animal movie. Because Gustave (in real life) wasn’t killed by a group of journalists, and in fact supposedly is still prowling African waters to this day, they really can’t do much with the story outside of have the crocodile eat people and be big and scary.

To add to the movie, they invent a local warlord who calls himself “Little Gustave”, and who terrorizes the local populace and also acts as another enemy in the film. He and his men, throughout the film, are also trying to kill our intrepid band of heroes. This in a way splits the movie into two separate stories: the leads vs. the croc and then the leads vs. the warlord and his men. The two tracks overlap repeatedly, but since we’re now dealing with lots of different threads nothing ever comes together as a whole.

Again, nothing is really bad about the movie at all. It’s just slow and boring, there’s no attachment to the characters that would make you care when they get killed, and you never get any real big resolution (like Jaws) because they want to protect the integrity of the true facts involved. It’s almost like the makers didn’t know what they wanted the movie to really be. It’s not a documentary, so we don’t have any real education value concerning Gustave. It’s not a horror movie, because they try to stick with as much truth as possible, and the parts with Little Gustave and his army just feel tacked on in an attempt to add to the tension.

So if you want a real Gustave story, go find one of the PBS specials. If you want man vs. animal, stick with a certain great white shark.

Sketch Cinema quote(s) of the week:

Steve (Orlando Jones): “The crocodile is like OJ Simpson. He messed up when he killed that white woman.”

Steve (to an African boy who wants to come to the USA): “If I have to shove you up my ass to get you through customs, I am taking you to America.”

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This week’s voyage into the realm of sketchiness takes us to an unknown, rural part of Spain, as we venture along with Gary Oldman into The Backwoods.

Koldo Serra’s 2006 thriller follows the story of  young English couple Norman and Lucy (Paddy Considin, Virginie Ledoyen) as they travel to the Spanish house of friend Paul (Oldman) and his wife Isabel (Aitana Sánchez-Gijón).

Norman and Paul stumble upon a deformed child, who has been locked away in a deserted house in the forest.  Naturally, they decide to remove the girl from the house and attempt to bring her to the local authorities.  That’s when the fun starts.

Raw, brutal and unsettling, The Backwoods seems to exist somewhere between Deliverance and Hostel.  As the group tries to hide the child, the townsfolk are none too happy to find her missing and begging searching for her.

While Gary Oldman kicks a considerable amount of ass in just about any movie he’s in, there seemed to be a lot of missed ass-kicking opportunities in this movie.  Promising scenes were rampant with Oldman’s trademark look, offering the false hope that at the end of the day, all would be saved by your hero and mine.

Instead, there were underdeveloped characters and a very weak storyline.  Not only do we not find out the cause of the child’s deformities, but we never even find out just why she was locked away to begin with.  It’s a shame, really, because the movie could’ve made something of itself.

While I don’t want to give away the ‘surprise’ ending of the film, I must say that this ending made No Country For Old Men seem like a neat, tidy, happy-ending fairy tale.

But I love Gary, I do.  And just for him, I’m going to imagine the various ways in which this movie could have ended, in order to trick my mind into having a much higher opinion of it:

• They discover that the child is essentially the devil himself, and end up returning spawn of Satan to her house of confinement.
• Gary Oldman kills just about everyone, good guys and bad.
• Norman decides to just shoot Lucy instead, considering she’s been such a degrading bitch during the whole trip.
• Gary Oldman just stands there, being Gary Oldman.

And I leave you with this week’s Sketch Cinema quote of the week:

Paul: “There are hunters and prey, Norman. That’s the only fucking truth in this world.”

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Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema: “Teeth” (2007)

Today’s Sketch Cinema feature is surely one for the record books, and is bound to make any warm-blooded man squirm in his seat uncontrollably. In fact, it just may be the one film that could very well bring a man to tears.

On this quiet, snowy, New England Sunday, I bring you Mitchell Lichtenshein’s 2007 sketch fest, Teeth.

Jess Weixler stars in this twisted take on the coming-of-age film as Dawn O’Keefe, a spirited blonde teenager with a terminally ill mother and a step-brother with an inexplicable fondness for, well, unconventional sex.

Inexplicable to most, but quite clear to us, the viewers. As it turns out, Brad’s aversion to the conventional methods of intercourse is simply due to an unfortunate childhood incident. An incident in which, during a pool-side game of doctor, Brad loses the tip of his finger when he decides to explore his step-sister’s anatomy. Too young to realize just how lucky he was to only lose a fingertip, he inconveniently blocks the memory out entirely. Let the games begin.

The movie offers a fresh spin on evolution and the concept of ‘survival of the fittest’, with Dawn even referring at one point to her newly discovered ‘adaptation’. After dealing with the initial shock of the abnormality she possesses, she quickly learns that her ailment can be quite advantageous.

A surprisingly well-made film with a strong storyline, I must refrain from sharing too much. Lichetentein masterfully paints a fresh, compelling tale of the true loss of innocence that cannot be missed, even if it may have men of all ages shaking in fear.

And now, I leave you with this week’s Sketch Cinema quote of the week:

(As doctors are performing reconstructive surgery on Ryan and about to attach his, well, you know):

Head Surgeon: “Seems like a waste of time if you ask me.”

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Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema: “Teeth” (2007)

For those of you hoping for an updated version of Howard Zieff’s 1973 comedy, let me deflate your hopes before we go any further and clarify that there will be no mention of James Caan as we discuss this week’s voyage into B-Moviesville.

 

Instead, I bring you James Gunn’s Slither.

 

After happening upon this little gem of over-the-top, gory ‘horror’ hilarity, I settled in for ninety-five minutes of graphic gore, dozens of small-town stereotypes, and a collection of quips and one-liners that almost rivaled an Austin Powers movie. Almost.

 

The story focuses on the small town of Wheelsy, where a meteor has managed to crash to earth in a loud, uproarious explosion, conveniently unnoticed by two Podunk local cops who are parked a mere thirty feet away. When the town’s resident rich guy (Grant Grant, immaculately portrayed by Michael Rooker) sneaks away for a quick romp with the town slut (after being denied yet again by his much younger, high school biology teacher wife), he discovers something slithering around in the woods behind the local bar.

 

Upon further investigation, the slithering substance in question suddenly bores a hole through Grant’s chest, carves its way to his brain stem, and proceeds to take over his body, bringing with it such side effects as wanting to make sweet, tender love to his wife and an insatiable appetite for raw meat.

 

But Starla, Grant’s wife, knows something is amiss, and shares her concerns with the ever-ready Town hero Bill Parday (portrayed by Nathan Fillion), whom one is led to assume has a history with the lovely Mrs. Grant as the film provides weak allusions to some hidden, sinister affair sub-plot, though it is never fully explored.

 

As Grant Grant runs amok all over town, kidnapping local dogs and farm     animals to sustain his never-ending hunger for meat, he returns once again to his favorite little piece of trailer-park booty for a quick chest-boring, not only succeeding in turning her into one of these extra terrestrial creatures, but also managing to impregnate her and turning her into a ravenous, flesh-hungry, giant beach-ball-of-flesh. One should not miss the birthing scene, under any circumstances.

 

While the movie reeks of discarded film bits from the screening room floor of Night of the Creeps, Slither takes the B genre to the next level by dotting the script with classic one-liners that seem to indicate the cheese-awareness of all involved in creating this little chunk of goodness. It does not take itself seriously, and has absolutely no time for viewers who expect to do so, either.

 

And so for now, I leave you with this week’s Sunday Morning Sketch Cinema movie quote of the week:

 

Jack MacReady: [panicked] We need to find this Grant, and I mean yesterday. Town council’s lit a Roman Candle, stuck it up my ass.
Bill Pardy: Jack, your leisure activities ain’t my business.

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